A Castle of River Stones

Sitting in his garden

we piled smooth flat stones

one on another

until they looked just right

Tower after tower

to build

a castle

of river stones

each piece

polished by the tumble
of rushing waters

Not a word

only a smile

or the brush of a hand

need pass between us

for me to know

he understood

Pain can not always be fixed

but the comfort of companionship

might sooth its stabbing ache

We were one at times like that

hearts and souls connected

moving in silent unison

as we made stone towers to nowhere

He had learned

to stop running from his pain

and so he had the courage

to simply sit

with me

in the dark place of mine

never feeling the need

to get away

or to make repairs

I long for him now

long for that garden

for those days

when I could sit

instead of being constantly

on the run

But he is gone

and I'm afraid

of the pain

for without him here

I believe its darkness

may devour me

Waking Sleep

The days were too short
the nights even shorter
I didn't want to sleep
for fear that when I woke up
you'd be gone
It was like a dream
but you were so real
I could smell your scent
hear your voice
feel your touch
and yet...

Dreams shattered
like glass
stained with dried blood
yours or mine
maybe both
My heart bled out
and yet here I am
Not you though
You're gone...

So many years passed
water under the bridge and all that
My days and nights drag on
my dreams are dull
leaving me to wonder
were you ever really here at all?

Sleepless in Dubai

You invaded my dreams last night

When I awoke I couldn't remember them

but you

you lingered like the smell of a bad cigar

smoked
in a closed room

And then like a ghost

you haunted my day

until all I wanted to do
was break something

or drop to the floor 

and cry until I was sitting 

in a salty puddle

of my own making

I suppose I can't blame you

It was after all my dream

My subconscious

stirring up

what never seems to settle

It's been years

So many

they can be summarized in decades

I know you're gone

gone forever to me

but it was supposed to be the opposite

By your own lips

the opposite was promised

without qualifiers

or contractual exemptions

There were no amendments to our love

only exponents

that doubled and tripled

in ever increasing value

to both of us, I thought

Or maybe I was delusional

Maybe you mattered to me

far more than I did to you

And there I go again

Giving you the out

Leaving myself to wallow in the blame

It wasn't fair though

You must know that

And if I could haunt you back

you would think of me

the way you did

all those years ago

And you would burn for me

and have to be with me

Only this time

you'd be the powerless one

because this time

I would only come to you

in your dreams

and I would rattle my chains so loudly

you would never want to sleep again

Acid Rain

Your melodies

still play harmonies

on my heart strings

I don’t understand

how it is so

but your words

still drip

sometimes with

a soothing balm

sometimes with

acid

like the rain

that fell into the lake

killing all the fish

back in the long

hot days

of seventy

summers

when you sang

your songs

to me…

I Was Sorry

I forgot to tell you

it might rain

but you never warned me

it might end

You promised me forever

an unquenchable love

and then you walked away

without even waiting

for an explanation

Did I so tarnished the shine

on your badge of piety

that you walked away

without looking back

I watched you go

wanting to run after you

but I was unable

chained there

as I was

by my sin

A slavery I did not choose

I wanted to explain

the reasons

for the things I did

or was forced to do

but you never let me

You dropped your gavel

convicted guilty

sentenced devastation

and walked away

How could you promise so much

and fall so short

not keeping even in part

what I had placed

all my hope in

Was it really that easy for you

to throw it all away

the promises

of forever love

through thick and thin

old and young

or did you

eventually come back

only to find

the empty chain

left behind

by the unwanted freedom

of a slave to your love

When you left

I didn’t stand a chance

the men circled

like vultures

knowing I was dying

my heart crushed and leaking

they picked my carcass clean

eating me alive

even the  bones of my soul

were carried

back to nests

built in lofty mountains

So if you did come back

all you found

was a stain

left behind

by the pain I endured

when you turned

and walked away

never giving me

a chance to say

I’m sorry…

So Free

Sitting still

I hoped not to be noticed

as I watched the view around me

Colors splashed

from every rainbow I’d ever seen

dotting the scenery of your soul

I felt so honored to be there

and worried only when I thought

I might misstep

as I toured the inner you

so few ever got to see

You were a wonderland

a place for me to run away to

and you always let me in

Never shall I forget your kindness

Never shall I forget the wonder that was you

Nor the wonder that was me

when I traipsed across your landscape

Never before and never again

shall I feel so whole

so complete

so free

Her Garden

Her garden

lay as barren

as her soul

Six struggling plants

in dry cracked soil

She waters them

when she thinks to

just to keep them alive

but the chlorinated water

chokes them

turning once lush leaves

to brown

If there is any beauty

to be found

it is deeply hidden

A passing drought

sucked her dry

long ago

but still…

There is a remnant

of her former life

and so

a green smattering of hope

remains in tact

A hope

that when spring rains come

her garden

will once again sprout

and beauty will be found

in growth once burned

by a flaming sun

as life bursts forth 

with promise…